my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
