I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
