I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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