i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
