I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
