Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
