an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
