onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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