Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
