don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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