I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
