I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dicks are not precious.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
