just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
where am i from again
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
