Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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