just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
