If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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