when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
