All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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