I hope mine doesn't look like that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
