U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
