I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
