Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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