Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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