Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
