All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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