My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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