come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
