Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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