I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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