Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
