Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
foreskin is a definite game changer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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