so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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