i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
