I like my sex mixed with concussions.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
