Pappa wants mamma naked
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
