How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
