toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am puke
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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