Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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