when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
