Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
