I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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