I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
