She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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