So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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