He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
