This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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