I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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