So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
