Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
