My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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