Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
