do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
