At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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