theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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