I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize