My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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