In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I believe in your delicious
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
