ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He passed out mid-signature
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
