you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
