Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
