I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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