he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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