Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
