she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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