I didn't shave. On purpose
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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