Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize