I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
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I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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