He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
