He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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