I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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