I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
