i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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