Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
