anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
