So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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