peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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